InsaneJournal

Learning to Trust
Title: Learning to Trust
Pairing: Severus/Harry
Wordcount: 2,000ish
Summary: Severus finds it difficult to trust, can he let down his barriers for Harry.
Warnings: NC17 m/m sex
Disclaimer: I do not own anything Harry Potter, related nor any of the characters from the books or movies. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. It all belongs to JK Rowling. Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Inc., Warner Brothers and any other entity involved.


The Dangers of Reading Fanfic.

Written for atypicalsnowman at the Severus *sighs* Yahoo group which can be joined here http://groups.yahoo.com/group/severussighs This is top!Harry/bottom!Severus.






"It's happened again." Harry pouted, throwing himself back against the pillows, "I can't believe it. It is broken."

Severus leaned over, and brushed the back of his hand against Harry's cheek. "It's all right, Harry, you are just suffering from - a little performance anxiety."

"Performance anxiety!" Harry exclaimed, his voice dangerously hovering on the edge of a screech. "And who the fuck am I meant to be performing for?"

"That would be me."

"Well then I'm never going to get it right am I? Cause you're so bloody good at it, so I might as well just give up now."

"Exactly!"

"Well if you thought that, then why did you suggest I top?" Harry spat the words, he was getting really agitated.

"I don't think that, Harry."

"But you said..."

"However, I think that you do."

"I think the reason that you are experiencing difficulties is that you don't think that you will be good enough."

"Then why did you suggest it?"

"Because I think that you will be wonderful, Harry. I want to share this with you."

"Oh God!" Harry's words were muffled because he'd put his hands over his face. "But I'm gonna muck it up, I'm crap at this sort of thing!"

"At what sort of thing? At making love with me? I assure you that you are not rubbish in bed." He pulled Harry closer and placed a gentle kiss on his lover's messy head. "Harry, don't you understand how much I love you?"

Harry stiffened, "You love me?"

"Of course I do you foolish boy."

"But, Severus." Harry pushed himself up on one elbow and looked down at his lover, "You've never said it like that before."

"I know," Severus took a lock of Harry's dark, silky hair and started playing with it, teasing it with his long, slim fingers. "But I should have done. I-I am not very good at expressing my feelings, you know that. I'm better at show rather than tell. I always have been. And you deserve more than that, Harry."

Harry's eyes grew suspiciously shiny, he blinked fiercely, forcing away any possible tears.

"I find it hard to trust." Severus continued, "I've always been let down before you see. I've never been able to..." he sighed, "I've never been able to let myself feel safe, not until you came along. You, in your clumsy, Gryffindor way have made me feel safe. I trust you far more that I've ever trusted anyone and I want you inside me, Harry. I want to feel you, give you everything. All of me, Harry. Do you understand?"

"Oh, Severus!" Harry sat up, and stared down at his lover, his look was so tender, so loving that Severus couldn't breathe for a moment. They had been together for almost two years and in that time, Harry had truly grown up. He was still so uncertain sometimes, such as in the last few days, the incident with the cock ring. But there was no-one else that Severus wanted to share himself with like he did with Harry. When it mattered, when he was truly needed, Harry had not let him down, he never let anyone down.

Harry leaned over and kissed him: tenderly, lovingly, possessively.

"You're shaking," he whispered and then he swallowed. "I'll look after you. I will." He was smiling, seemingly newly confident, buoyed up by Severus' obvious regard, it was heartwarming what a little trust would do.

Harry moved so that he was on top of Severus and for a moment, he almost panicked, but then Harry was kissing him again.

"I love you, Severus." he whispered against Severus lips. "I love you." he breathed again as he was kissing along Severus' jaw. "I love you so much." He continued as he gently turned Severus over so that he was on his front, his arse exposed, unprotected. Then Harry touched him in the small of his back and it was as if a jolt of electricity surged through him. He shivered again.

"Shhh," Harry breathed, placing a gentle kiss at the base of Severus spine. "I'll take care of you."

"No!" Severus rolled over, causing Harry to tumble to the bed. "N-n-o, stop."

"Severus?"

"Harry." Severus was trembling, violently, "I'm sorry. I tried...I just can't. Not right now, maybe tomorrow, or next week. Yes that would be better, next week, I'll be ready then."

"So you don't trust me, after all?" Harry's voice sounded so sad.

"I do, I do. It's just that..." he stopped, took a deep breath, tried again.

Harry's face was so close to his, close enough to kiss, close enough to touch. "It's just…I haven't, not for a very long time. The last time was with Regulus Black and..."

"Severus, I don't want to hear about Regulus Black. This is about us. You and me, in our bed. You are safe with me I will look after you."

Severus smiled. Harry looked so serious, so strong. The gauche boy that Harry still was on occasion, on lots of occasions if Severus were honest, he seemed little in evidence right then. "When did you grow up?" he asked softly, brushing Harry's messy hair out of his eyes.

Harry smiled back, "Maybe when you needed me to? Maybe I hadn't realised before tonight that you needed me to be strong sometimes too? Cause I think I can be, that's what a grown up relationship is all about, isn't it?"

Severus nodded, then he almost laughed as Harry gazed down at his cock again. "I think little Harry wants to come out and play now."

"Oh, that's mature. 'Little Harry'." Severus scoffed.

Harry grinned, his smiled both charming and irreverent. "Yeah, you're right. He's not so little is he?"

"Fool!" Harry's grin widened and then he leaned forward and kissed Severus again. It was a demanding kiss, a mature one. Harry wanted Severus and wasn't afraid to show it anymore and all at once Severus wanted him to, he wanted to be taken care of, made love to. Just for once he didn't want to have to be the one in control, the one who was strong. Harry was strong and capable too and Severus wanted to trust him, wanted him to take care of him. He wanted their relationship to be totally balanced. He took a deep breath and consciously let go of the last little knot of terror and leaned closer, tilting his head to one side, asking for a kiss.

And Harry obliged.

Together they explored each other's bodies as if for the first time. Firstly Harry leading and then Severus, turn and turn about. They kissed and caressed, touched one another as if they were finding one other for the very as if this were new and not familiar at all.

Then when finally, Harry gently pushed Severus back onto the bed, onto his back in a nest of pillows, Severus wasn't worried any more, he was lost in the pleasure of it all. Harry looked into his eyes, held his gaze with his own and then he smiled again. That look was so filled with love, so very caring that Severus almost stopped breathing.

"Are you ready?" Harry asked. Severus couldn't speak, instead he nodded, tightly. "You’re sure this time?"

"Just get on with it, Harry." Severus hissed.

Harry's grin was back, "All right, then, if you insist."

For a second Harry stilled, looking at his lover, then he spread Severus' legs wide. Moving himself so that he could place one of Severus' long legs over his shoulder, tilting his body just a little so that his access to Severus' arse would be unimpeded. Finally his arse was lifted and a thick, white pillow gently manoeuvred underneath him.

"Is that comfy?" Harry asked, suddenly looking very serious. Severus didn't speak, he just raised an eyebrow, instructing Harry to get on with it, he wasn't in the most comfortable position in the world, but Harry was taking care of him and Severus was determined to let him.

"Right," Harry said, "here we go."

Harry's fingers, drenched in oil were pushed against Severus' anus, gently, lovingly. "I want to see your face, your eyes when I come inside you." Harry whispered, "Is that okay?" Severus nodded again, of course it was okay, it was perfect. This way he could see Harry, see his face when he came inside him. He gasped as Harry's fingers were pushed further inside, seeking that special place and brushing against it, causing Severus to shudder with sensation. Harry stilled, a look of concern crossing that dear face. But he must have found the reassurance that he was seeking, because after just a moment of close examination he carried on. Carefully he continued to prepare Severus, still gentle, pushing a finger inside him and then retreating his hand, peppering Severus with kisses, tender and sweet. Never before had it been like this, no-one had ever made love to Severus quite like this.

Harry made Severus feel so special, so very precious, with all those little looks and sighs and whispered words of love. Finally, finally when he pushed inside him, Severus was whimpering with need.

"Oh, Merlin," he choked, arching up as Harry's cock relentlessly breached him, he couldn't say anymore, it was almost too painful to breathe. He wanted to stop again, to wait for a while, Harry was so big. He hadn't realised quite how large his lover was or how determined, how unstoppable he might be. For a moment he thought he might break apart as Harry pushed inside him. For a second or two he squeezed his eyes shut, concentrating on nothing but the cock that was filling him, pinning him down. For a brief, fleeting second he panicked, it was on the tip of his tongue to ask Harry to stop. But he felt Harry's hand against his cheek, his thumb brushing against Severus' lips and then he opened his eyes again to see that Harry's face was suffused with pleasure and filled with love.

He looked so beautiful. "So fucking beautiful," Severus hissed, his words tight and staccato, his own hand finding its way to cup Harry's cheek in its turn.

"Are you okay?"

Severus nodded, though he wasn't completely. it hurt. Having Harry sheathed inside him hurt. But then Harry moved and he wasn't so tight any more, it was as if his body was yielding to his lover, he was yielding, finally letting go at last.

Gently, slowly, carefully, Harry made love to Severus. As if he were precious. As if he needed to be cared for, treated like the most fragile glass. "Faster, Harry." he finally said, as he loosened up and was able to accommodate Harry's girth, as a hundred different sensations engulfed him washing away the pain. Then Harry began to caress his cock and Severus' groaned and pleaded. Harry began to smile again as he stroked Severus, played with him, ran his thumb over the tip of Severus' cock, traced his fingers over Severus' balls causing him to groan once more, to cry out load.

"Faster!" he hissed again as the myriad feelings overwhelmed him. "Faster."

Harry did as he was told, he pounded into Severus seeming to no-longer be able to hold back, finally he threw his head back and lost control. His dark hair was plastered to his forehead, his eyes clenched shut, his cheeks flushed pink. He was beautiful, he was engulfed with passion, passion for Severus.

Then Severus canted his hips and squeezed the muscles in his anus so that they constricted around the young man's cock. Harry's eyes grew wide and he screamed in his turn. Then he was coming, hot liquid filled Severus' arse as Harry's cock pulsated inside him. Harry's hand squeezed shut in time with his orgasm, closing tight around Severus' cock, stroking him, just enough to send Severus over the edge too. Then Severus was coming, drenching them both with his orgasm.

"Wow." Harry said eventually, after they'd cleaned up a little and were wrapped in each other's arms. "That was bloody awesome that was. You looked so bloody lovely spread out beneath me like that, I thought I was going to come just from looking at you."

Severus lifted an eyebrow. "You always did have woeful eyesight without your glasses."

Harry laughed. "Shut it, you. I happen to think you're gorgeous."

"And I happen to know that Lily dropped you on your head far too often as a baby."

"Git!"

"Brat!"

"Wanker."

"Hush. Shut up and kiss me you insufferable child." Harry grinned and did as he was told.

"Thank you, Harry." Severus said when the kissing had ended.

"What for - kissing you?"

"For making love to me."

Harry sighed. "I did too, didn't I? I was good, wasn't I? I made it good for you?"

"You did, Harry. I am very happy, though not a little sore. I'm afraid that I'm woefully out of practice at being on the bottom."

"But you'd do it again?"

"Oh, yes." Severus breathed, pulling his lover closer, "I most certainly would do it again. Now that your cock has been restored to full working order I think we should put it through its paces whenever we can."

Harry chuckled, a wonderful sound that made Severus' heart soar. "Thank goodness you’re so good at potions then, cause things might not have turned out nearly so well, if you hadn't been able to fix it."

"No," Severus said, serious again. "and if we are going to try anything else, such as bondage for example, we will not be relying on fanfic to tell us what to do."

"Nah, of course not," Harry sounded scornful. "Don't worry, I've bought a book. I got it on the Internet, it's part of a series apparently."

"Oh really," Severus drawled, wondering what his lover had been up to this time.

"Yeah, it's brilliant, it's got loads of pictures and it's big and thick with a black and yellow cover. It's called Bondage for Dummies and I reckon it looks really good."

"Oh, Harry! What am I going to do with you." Severus said, and then he leaned over and kissed him again.